I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
