apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
