Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
