Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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