The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
