If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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