We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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