Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
