I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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