Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
