did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
