people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
