It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
