my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
