well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
