hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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