I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
