you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just pee around me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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