I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
