the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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