I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
