So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
