You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
