Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
