I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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