I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
