and you said cock pushups were impossible
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
