woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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