haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
