if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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