Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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