Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Boobs are out for the taking
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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