i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
