I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
