Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
