I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
