If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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