Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
