I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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