my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
