Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
