Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sex in a hospital.. check
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
