I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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