Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
