Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Boobs speak an international language.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
