its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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