i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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