But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
