Screwed.edu
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
