No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
