I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
