I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
