why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
