Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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